The Strength to Forgive
Even a minor offense can be like a bomb falling on a picnic. It destroys the tranquility of the relationship. If you’re the one offended, you know how it feels: there’s hurt, anger, disappointment, disbelief, a sense of betrayal and rejection. Whether the offender is a coworker, parent, or spouse, the question is, “how could they love me and say or do that?”
Forgiveness means we choose to lift the penalty, to pardon the offender. It means letting go of the offense and welcoming the offender back into your life. Forgiveness is not a feeling but a decision. It is the decision to continue growing in the relationship by removing the barrier.
If you are the offended party, forgiveness means that you will not seek revenge, that you will not demand justice, that you will not let the offense stand between the two of you. Forgiveness results in reconciliation.
Reconciliation means that the two of you have put the issue behind you and are now facing the future together.
So what do you do? How do you forgive? Forgiveness is granted before it’s felt. Many people say, “I can’t forgive them. I’m angry at them.” In reality, we’re angry at them because we won’t forgive them. What does that mean? What it means is you just essentially refrain.
You refrain from sticking pins in them. You refrain from replaying your tapes, thinking about all the stuff they did. You refrain from trying to retaliate against them outside, but also you refrain from trying to retaliate inside. You refrain from your revenge fantasies. You refrain from what you’d like to see happen to them. When your mind starts going there, you turn it away.
You grant it long before you feel it, but you grant it. That is a sign of true strength.
The Red Baron
The Red Baron was a fighter pilot with the German Air Force during World War I. He is considered the ace-of-aces of the war, being officially credited with 80 air combat victories.
Originally a cavalryman, Richthofen transferred to the Air Service in 1915. He quickly distinguished himself as a fighter pilot, and became leader of Jasta 11 and then the larger fighter wing unit Jagdgeschwader 1, better known as “The Flying Circus” or “Richthofen’s Circus” because of the bright colors of its aircraft, and perhaps also because of the way the unit was transferred from one area of allied air activity to another – moving like a travelling circus, and frequently setting up in tents on improvised airfields.
By 1918, Richthofen was regarded as a national hero in Germany, and respected by his enemies.
To be weak is to have no strength in a situation
To be meek is to have enormous strength in a situation … and to choose to keep it under control
Baron Von Richthofen was a WW1 ace with 40 confirmed kills. He shot down 10 planes in one month. He was known for aggressively attacking enemy forces, getting wounded, spending several months in a hospital, and then going out again. Today, this ace is a mere footnote in the history books.
His brother, Baron Manfred Von Richthofen, the Red Baron, is the Ace of Aces of WWI with 80 confirmed kills. He was very different than his brother. If he didn’t KNOW he could win, he would fly away. He had phenomenal strength as a war-fighter and chose to keep it under control.
The Red Baron was ‘meek’ as a pilot … and became a legend!
There is a saying that ‘blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the world.’
As leaders, parents, spouses…our challenge is to always be meek in our dealings with others
To lead with strength but strength kept under control
And in leading others in this way, we show our TRUE strength.