His Need: Domestic Support
The need for domestic support is a time bomb. At first it seems irrelevant, a throwback to more primitive times. But for many couples, the need explodes after a few years of marriage, surprising both husband and wife.
Domestic support involves the creation of a peaceful and well-managed home environment. It includes cooking meals, washing dishes, washing and ironing clothes, cleaning house, and child care. If you feel very fulfilled when your spouse does these things and very annoyed when they are not done, you have the need for domestic support.
In earlier generations, it was assumed that all husbands had this need and all wives would naturally meet it. Times have changed and needs have changed along with them. Now many men would rather have their wives meet their needs for affection or conversation, needs that have traditionally been more characteristic of women. Many women, especially career women, gain a great deal of pleasure having their husbands create a peaceful and well-managed home environment.
General Douglas MacArthur and His Mother
When General Douglas MacArthur enrolled at the U.S. Military Academy, his mother moved to West Point as well and stayed at a hotel on campus grounds. MacArthur’s mother had told him he, “must grow up to be a great man.”
Her watchful eye apparently worked as MacArthur graduated first out of 94 cadets in the class of 1903 by earning 2,424,2 points out of a maximum of 2,470.
Marriage usually begins with a willingness of both spouses to share domestic responsibilities. Newlyweds commonly wash dishes together, make the bed together, and divide many household tasks. The groom welcomes his wife’s help in doing what he had to do by himself as a bachelor. At this point in marriage, neither of them would identify domestic support as an important emotional need. However, the time bomb is ticking.
When does the need for domestic support explode? When the children arrive! Children create huge needs – both a greater need for income and greater domestic responsibilities. The previous division of labor becomes obsolete. Both spouses must take on new responsibilities – and which ones will they take?
At this point in your marriage, you may find no need for domestic support at all. That may change later when you have children. In fact, as soon as you are expecting your first child, you will find yourselves dramatically changing your priorities.
