The 5 Love Languages

Acts of Service

A wise man once said: “If anyone wants to be First, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.”

“My husband (she says) is a typical pilot.  He’s an overgrown kid.  His planes are the toys he plays with.  When you live with a pilot, that’s something you get used to.  It’s the curse of these guys – but it’s what keeps up their energy levels.

“Life with a pilot is one of feast versus famine.  They’re either off somewhere flying, or else around causing trouble for you.  It’s like living with a retiree.  You think, Why doesn’t he get out of here?  Then suddenly, he’s gone, and you say, “When is he coming home again?

“Unlike those women who depend on their husbands (‘Could you talk to our lawyer’ ‘Could you spank our son this evening?’), the wife of a pilot has to learn self-sufficiency.  When a problem comes up, she has to handle it like a single woman.  The joke in our family is that my husband is, ‘The Phantom.’  Some of our friends think that our children are fatherless.  Even my mother says she suspects I just rented him.  She says I paid him five dollars to say ‘I do’ at the wedding ceremony.

IF YOUR SPOUSE’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS ACTS OF SERVICE:

  1. Make a list of all the requests your spouse has made of you over the past few weeks.  Select one of these each week and do it as an expression of love.
  2. Print note cards with the following:
    “Today I will show my love for you by…”  Complete the sentence with one of the following: picking up the clutter, paying the bills, fixing something that’s been broken a long time, weeding the garden.  (Bonus points if it’s a chore that’s been put off.)
  3. Give your spouse a love note accompanied by the act of service every three days for a month.
  4. Ask your spouse to make a list of ten things he or she would like for you to do during the next month.  Then ask your spouse to prioritize those by numbering them 1-10, with 1 being the most important and 10 being the least important.  Use this list to plan your strategy for a month of love.  (Get ready to live with a happy spouse)
  5. While your spouse is away, get the children to help you with some act of service for him.  When he walks in the door, join the children in shouting “Surprise!  We love you!”  Then share your act of service.
  6. What one act of service has your spouse nagged about consistently?  Why not decide to see the nag as a tag?  Your spouse is tagging this as really important to him or her.  If you choose to do it as an expression of love, it is worth more than a thousand roses.
  7. If your requests to your mate come across as nags or put-downs, try writing them in words that would be less offensive to them.  Share this revised wording with your spouse.  For example, “The yard always looks so nice, and I really appreciate your work.  I’d love to thank you in advance for mowing the lawn this week before Julie and Ben come over for dinner.”  Your husband might respond:  “Where’s the lawn mower, I can’t wait!”  Try it and see.
  8. Perform a major act of service like organizing the home office, and then post a sign that reads, “To (spouse’s name) with love,” and sign your name.
  9. If you have more money than time, hire someone to do the acts of service that you know your spouse would like for you to do, such as the yard work or a once-a-month deep cleaning of your home.
  10. Ask your spouse to tell you the daily acts of service that would really speak love to him or her.  Seek to work these into your daily schedule.  “Little things” really do mean a lot.

During the American Revolution, a noncommissioned officer was directing the repairs of a military building. He was barking orders to the soldiers under his direction, trying to get them to raise a heavy wooden beam.

As the men struggled in vain to lift the beam into place, a man who was passing by stopped to ask the one in charge why he wasn’t helping the men. With all the pomp of an emperor, the soldier replied, “Sir, I am a corporal!”

“You are, are you?” replied the passerby, “I was not aware of that.” Then, taking off his hat and bowing, he said, “I beg your pardon, Corporal.” Then the stranger walked over and strained with the soldiers to lift the heavy beam. After the job was finished, he turned and said, “Mr. Corporal, when you have another such job, and have not enough men, send for your Commander-in-Chief, and I will come and help you a second time.”

The corporal was thunderstruck. The man’s name was General George Washington.

We all want to be honored, respected and appreciated. So badly, sometimes, that we try to demand it; from our wife, our husband, our kids or our co-workers. The fact is that these things cannot be demanded or even requested. True honor, respect and appreciation only come one way. When we become servants. A wise man once said, “If anyone wants to be First, he must be the very last, and the servant of all.” (Mark 9:35)