The Checklist
The goal here is to get everyone’s feelings and ideas out on the table. Depending on the situation, you may choose any one of a variety of ways to do this.
If your family is just you and your spouse at this point, you may want to go someplace where you can be alone together for a couple of days or even just a few hours. Enjoy some time just relaxing and being together. When the atmosphere is right, you may want to try to envision together what you want your relationship to be ten, twenty-five, or fifty years down the road. You may want to seek inspiration by reflecting on the words spoken as part of your marriage ceremony. If you can’t remember them, you could make it a point to listen when you attend the weddings of relatives and friends.
You might also discuss together questions such as these:
What kind of marriage partners do we want to be?
How do we want to treat each other?
How do we want to resolve our differences?
How do we want to handle our finances?
What kind of parents do we want to be?
What principles do we want to teach our children to help them prepare for adulthood and to lead responsible, caring lives?
How do we help develop the potential talent of each child?
What kind of discipline do we want to use with our children?
What roles (earning, financial management, housekeeping, and so on) will each of us have?
How can we best relate to each other’s families?
What traditions do we bring with us from the families in which we were raised?
What traditions do we want to keep and create?
What intergenerational traits or tendencies are we happy or unhappy with, and how do we make changes?
How do we want to give back?
All of us know the famous B-17 used during WWII, which helped to win the war. You may not know, however, that it was the first aircraft to get a checklist!
This came about when, on the first B-17 flight, three men were seriously injured, and a few later died, when the aircraft stalled soon after take-off. After investigation, it was found that the pilot had left the elevator lock on, and the aircraft was unresponsive to pitch control.
The reason that a mission statement is so important in a marriage is that no two people are completely alike. There are always differences. When you put two people together in this most tender, sensitive, and intimate relationship called marriage, if you don’t take the time to explore these differences and create a sense of shared vision, then these differences can drive them apart.
Whatever method you use, remember that the process is as important as the product.
In 1935, the B-17 was challenging a few other companies for large government contracts that could mean either the demise or the success of Boeing. Therefore, Boeing set out to find out what they could do to improve the safety of the B-17.
During a major think-tank session, it was determined that the pilots needed a checklist. It wasn’t a knock to the pilots, or that the aircraft was too hard to fly, rather the aircraft was just too complex for a pilot’s memory.