The 5 Love Languages

Physical Touch

Almost instinctively in a time of crisis, we hug one another. Why? Because physical touch is a powerful communicator of love.

We have long known that physical touch is a way of communicating emotional love.  Numerous research projects in the area of child development have reached this conclusion: babies who are held, hugged, and kissed develop a healthier emotional life that those who are left for long periods of time without physical contact.

Physical touch is also a powerful vehicle for communicating marital love.  Holding hands, kissing, embracing, and sexual intercourse are all ways of communicating emotional love to one’s spouse.  For some individuals, physical touch is their primary love language. Without it, they feel unloved.  With it, they feel secure in the love of their spouse.

Your Best Instructor

Within marriage, what is appropriate and inappropriate touching is determined by the couple themselves, within certain broad guidelines. 

Your best instructor is your spouse, of course.  After all, she is the one you are seeking to love.  She knows best what she perceives as a loving touch.  Don’t insist on touching her in your way and in your time.  Learn to speak her love dialect.  Your spouse may find some touches uncomfortable or irritating.  To insist on continuing these touches is to communicate the opposite of love. 

Large and Small

Love touches may be explicit and demand full attention such as in a back rub or sexual foreplay, culminating in intercourse.  On the other hand, love touches may be implicit and require only a moment, such as putting your hand on his shoulder as you pour a cup of coffee or rubbing your body against him as you pass in the kitchen.  Explicit love touches obviously take more time, not only in actual touching but in developing your understand of how to communicate love to your spouse this way.  If a back massage communicates love loudly to your spouse, then the time, money, and energy you spend in learning to be a good masseur or masseuse will be well invested.  If sexual intercourse is your mate’s primary dialect, reading about and discussing the art of sexual lovemaking will enhance your expression of love.

IF YOUR SPOUSE’S LOVE LANGUAGE IS PHYSICAL TOUCH:

  1. As you walk from the car to go shopping, reach out and hold your spouse’s hand.
  2. While eating together, let your knee or foot drift over and touch your spouse.
  3. Walk up to your spouse and say, “Have I told you lately that I love you?”  Take her in your arms and hug her while you rub her back and continue.  “You are the greatest!”  (Resist the temptation to rush to the bedroom.)  Untangle yourself and move on to the next thing.
  4. While your spouse is seated, walk up behind her and give her a shoulder massage.
  5. When you sit together in church, when the minister calls for prayer, reach over and hold your spouse’s hand.
  6. Initiate sex by giving your spouse a foot massage.  Continue to other parts of the body as long as it brings pleasure to your spouse.
  7. When family and friends are visiting, touch your spouse in their presence.  Putting your arm around him as you stand talking, or simply placing your hand on her shoulder says, “Even with all these people in our house, I still see you.”
  8. When your spouse arrives at home, meet him or her one step earlier than usual and give your mate a big welcome home.  The point is to vary the routine and enhance even a small “touching experience.”

St. Elmo’s Fire

As the airplane moves through the air, friction – physical touch – with rain, snow, ice crystals, dust particles, and the air itself can cause a build up of static electricity. This charge can not only affect radio reception and navigation instruments but it also may cause displays of St Elmo’s Fire, which can look like miniature lightening bolts dancing from wingtips, antennas, and propellers.

For the person whose love language is physical touch, learning to speak their language well and often can have the same effect – creating electricity in your marriage!

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